On Paul Durac

 If you go to the beginning of my blog here, you will see this highly conceptual story that I have been trying to write for a very long time. A couple of days ago I was able to read some of William James fiction and I was struck by his style, which was reminiscent of my own desperate attempt to write something lovely. Like me, William James, not to be confused with his brother Henry, was more of a non-fiction writer. Before I delve further into the two, the fiction and the non-fiction composite personalities, I must say that I have finally found an around to the problem of the short story 20x too deep, it is compaction. 

It is an important facet of this argument coming up. This story I was writing was to show the birth of life in heaven before entering the earthly realm. It was a library scene in which the soul finds great classics and they influence the life of the soul. It was based on an experience I had looking at the Great Books. My childhood self felt that she was gifted with a certain talent, which I put simply, "I'm one of these people". 

Now that we have established that I have always had these delusions of grandeur, we can move onto the real argument. Paul Durac, like myself, had the audacity to state that he was a genius, but of course he was educated in a way that far exceeds my own education IN REFERENCE TO THE MATERIAL we are speaking of, but I am also educated. His statement of interest, one that reminded me of myself, was that he knew his equations were correct because of their beauty. I am sure that the physicists of the day were not convinced that math's beauty was a telltale sign of it's being correct at that point, Einstein himself called Durac one that walked that line between genius and insanity. We have all heard this, but unless you are into physics, you probably have not heard it said that math is beautiful like this, which is now well established in that arena.

He had decided that he was going to figure out the unifying theory of science for the whole universe, set out to do it, and discovered antimatter by finding an equation he thought was beautiful. "This must be it!" he told himself. You see, in his time there was a computational problem unifying the tiny workings of the universe with those which extended outward beyond our reach. Einstein's relativity could not cohabitate with quantum mechanics. But as Durac set out to find an answer for the problem, he was able to reconcile it with a tiny, beautiful equation. An equation that created a new piece, the unifying piece, of the Universal puzzle. And thus was born the idea of antimatter, which unified the cosmic phenomena.

And so I had this really deep story idea about heaven. I could not see how I would not ruin it. It sort of grew in size which became an ugly, amateur looking mumbo jumbo. The only way to remedy this problem, it seemed, would be to shorten it up to something nice and neat with all points explanatory, so it might remain beautiful. This is how Durac saw the cosmos: certain and beautiful.

Now on to antimatter, I've been looking it up lately. I am a non-fictionist, I made that term up, but for readers and writers there are two kinds. And my interests lie in the boring truth seekers. I have been saying a lot about heaven. It may interest you to know it says in the bible that space was created. It interests me a bunch because that idea popped into my mind while filming a Facebook live. One of the things that has truly fascinated me about my new, wholly independent view of the universe is that of antimatter, in that the blackness of space may be that which is called antimatter. This was my personal idea, even if it is shared. And also, once I viewed heaven as the life giving place which exited into the void, there was no need for multiple dimensions, just the two, which tonight is verified per Durac's beautiful equation. I can use this idea of mine in juxtaposition with the most deep seeded and ugly conflicts in science, that of the materialist/creationist problem, and just hang out here, a nobody, on the sidelines, picture me with an ice-cream and some super dark Wayfarers. Here I am, I'm all, "but you know, maybe material comes from heaven". It takes a big believer. 

The fact that I recently enquired after the advice of a physicist and he said that is emphatically wrong, at least that's how it felt inside, has not deterred me. Instead, it reminded me of this problem. I am well aware of the materialist idea that we are only material and the creationist theory, God made everything. Only what God made is of question to me now. I said already, *Revelations said space was created. I need to go back and find that.

Anyway, in the science we go. Durac says that a particle must have a antiparticle, all do. It is per an equation. The place where they seem to be missing the point is here. I am being a genius now and laughter and derision are totally fine with me. That in order for things to be matched like this is complicated. This should create an explosion many times greater than an atom bomb. But perhaps his unifying theory points in the right direction, and nobody is looking that way. As we all know what deconstructed sushi is, we can cut out the fighting men of disbelief, and say that matter from another possible realm might, when faced with space, deconstruct. I have already said that under the right conditions it may be made into life. Add in the most common of scientific knowledge, that of magnetic repelling, and we are starting to understand not only what the universe is about, but why.

*I thought I saw this reading Revelations, and now I do not know if I did or not. I am deeply sorry for being in error. However, I still believe this whole heartedly. That space was created for the express purpose of supporting perishable life.