psychology 101

At a party tonight, I got into an argument with my brother about education. I was told by several people there that I was to give up my dream of furthering my education because my first degree has done nothing for me and, even better, I am responsible for children and I should be more concerned about their welfare than my dreams. 

My children are 23, 21 and almost 16. 

I'll just study while they are in bed. 

I do have some pretty ridiculous dreams. Today I suddenly felt "called" to the field of psychology, making a connection earlier about the similar features of self-flagellation and cutting. If you are not familiar with cutting, teenagers are doing this more often this century, making cuts and scratches on themselves when in mental anguish.

 I was planning on discussing cutting from this angle with these young people who may suffer from shame from their cutting, and I felt like a real genius for having made the connection between desire to do this and scourging oneself. It may be an innate human characteristic, I thought, considering it's long history and man's religious beliefs. It has long been a wholesome and just form of relief from deep issues, like sensual desire. Self-flagellation is holy and ascetic. From my strong feeling of being inspired and relying on one point to create an entire career under the guise of genius-ness, you see why this was a great "calling". But, alas, I am not called. I am not a genius. Later I saw myself sitting as the patient in your typical psych office with your typical non-idiot shrink who mentions this same idea in passing.

i got a book on the 35 doctors of the Catholic Church for Christmas.

I had little insight further into my psychological abilities. Reasons I would fail at being a psychologist: 1. I am only goodly. I strive to be kind, to be loving, to obey all traffic laws. To be harmonious, to pray for others, to be one with the creator. This already takes a lot out of me. 

Plus, paradoxically, this has been in my older years kind of a major point of underdevelopment in the area of understanding all people. It's not to say that I am gaining in perfection, ha ha ha, oh contraire, but that seems to be my aim and realizing this has made me aware of the things that I lack in cunning and what not, things that might prevent me from being a great psychologist. It's great for customer service. 

Reason number 2, sort of an extension of my first problem. I took psychology in college, and the few things I learned were technical and basic and I am starting to realize that people are different and not entirely basic. I read a quote that says the opposite and another that contradicted it. The first said something about all men being the same but something to the effect of having different desires. The other one may have said anything about how really, some folks are wildly different. And this seems true to me lately. In some respects, people are wildly different. And in those things, it's good to be able to see it. I seem to have a better understanding of myself. (a psychologist who does all the talking?)

I have a vision of myself as a psychologist. Perhaps with live animals (a petting zoo?), a library and a place to create (with dads old extra large button ups for cleanliness!). Walls covered in things that make you go hmmm!? 

i searched for the thinker photoshopped into your typical kindergarten art class but couldn't find it. but if this doesn't make you go hmmm (title something about overpopulation,  they want 2000 bucks for this thing)

And you know, a sound proofed room, muted colors, nothing on the walls, maybe CNN on the smart TV. It's always CNN everywhere. People must be watching this. We're Fox people. 

I wonder how we are looked at from Gods perspective? Are we all like little white smoky vapors or does he say how much he loves little April's orange freckles?

from my personal well of quotes.

Also, why is psychology so institutional when so much of what we need is home, safety and escape?

Anyway, my real dream is to be an English professor. They can decorate their walls. 

We all have to have dreams. I'll find a quote about that, too. 

 this is my dreams quote.

p.s. my masters thesis would be on the intellectual tastes of different cultures and how these have shaped the current world intellectual climate and how technology and the new "smaller world", remotely connected and under record and repetition, will create a new culture and humanity.