A letter to Oxford

 It was a little over a week ago I found an article in The Economist about Oxford trying to join in on inclusivity, a nod to their changing their outlook when receiving new potential students. They were saying that Oxford, as I had heard once of Harvard, was ready to accept candidates with non traditional and unique backgrounds. My assumption is that there is still a prerequisite for achievement or at least the potential of the applicant to achieve.

I have since the last little while or so been trying to do things which I find valuable to my life, I figured that the potential to create and engage my brain and hands in activities should never be neglected. I find performing small, even easily attempted goals like writing short shorts and painting experimentally with print copies of my digital artwork is highly satisfying. I wanted to make art like this in 2004 when the Gallery head in Johnson City, TN accepted me for one of the first shows during First Friday's there, art for free once a month with wine and charcuterie. I was not as committed to my vision then as now and the director of the gallery let me know in a small way. I may ask to go back again, that would be fun. He may accept me on keeping my word. 

I have pages of printed material waiting to be glued and painted and lacquered, perhaps the vision will be perfected this year. Last year I made some pretty pictures and those were mostly luck, but if by some chance I am productive today, the practice and effort will continue to develop me as an artist. I may even look at a few compositional theories and review Gestalt in order to avoid overthinking it. I learned from math that things we don't understand sometimes can be performed well by following the rules and letting the work go on without even really counting, so to speak. 

I wrote short stories and submitted one but would like to finish a few more this year. I would like to submit one to the New Yorker. I have considered making an art book, an illustrated explanation of my fantastic theories on astronomy. I thought a book of science theories would have been neat, something with a based on a true story feel, but ultimately deemed science fiction. 

I set as a goal for the coming year to make a short movie based on my short story I haven't finished "One night stand". I have decided also to write a letter to Oxford with the intent of showcasing my interests, goals and passion for research and see if they want some 43 year old American waitress. 

The letter was written in my head in part last week. I had a lot of ideas for the character development, comes from family with semi-famous relatives, parents and grandparents hold records, I hold records. I am knowledgeable in areas such as, but would like to learn more, much more, things like math and chemistry and anatomy. 

Dear Oxford,

My grandfather who passed away in a small apartment in Atlanta, GA, after retiring from what seemed to be his native Canada, was a famous football coach in Toronto and Montreal during his life. My mother, his daughter, was an athlete and exceptional writer. She received offers upon graduating from high school to West Point when women were not preferred among the student body. She was the first woman to win pole vaulting in competition. My other grandfather won an award and small sum of money for entrepreneurs in Memphis, TN offered by the newspaper The Commercial Appeal. He holds a record there for being the first man to build a computer. My father, his son, had one of his screenplays optioned in Hollywood, CA. I have won some things worth mentioning, if not for the accomplishment, for illustrating my development as a person. 

As a young girl, I won a Christmas coloring contest put on by Macy's department store here in Atlanta. First place and my picture was framed and hung on the wall downtown. I won another artistic competition through a restaurant called The Mellow Mushroom and got to sit on stage during a performance while there was a concert series in Centennial Olympic Park. I had my paintings in a gallery when I was 18 and again when I was 24. I am on and off as an artist, a writer and an amateur scientist.

I found out that I was gifted in the 5th grade. That year I was new to school and had few friends. I was unpopular with my homeroom teacher and she made cutting remarks about me, one of which was a slur in reference to me and the only other poor kid in my class, a young black boy named Jospeh. I knew she was Jewish and that this remark was off color, as she said, "Mary and Joseph, how cute", us sitting together in class. The embarrassment of her treatment did not help me come out of my shell. I was quiet and withdrawn. I ended up receiving the very highest marks on my standardized tests in the high 90th percentile marks during our standardized testing. And to my utter shock and amazement, when called stupid by another classmate in my English class, the English teacher said back in a very defensive tone, "She is not stupid, she did better than anyone else on her tests". I also remember that we had to solve a math problem one day while we had a substitute teacher. No one was able to find the answer, something really confusing involving a negative number and zero, from what I recall, which made the number appear even. After figuring it out I received a piece of candy from the substitute.

I was then offered the opportunity to join the talented and gifted program, but it was not God's will. The pages of my test book had stuck together and I filled in several answers wrong on the scanning paper. I tried to go back and fix the mistake but the costly loss of time ruined my chances of getting into the program. Instead, in sixth grade I worked harder than ever at doing well. I was self-motivated and successful. 

As a result, I was on the honor roll and received a scholarship to a private catholic school, albeit my own home parish. There I studied Latin and English and was in all around more difficult and rigorous classes. After graduating from the 8th grade at around fifteen and a half, I left school early to become self-sufficient once more. At this time I believed life to be easy and wanted to move out and take care of myself. 

As a young adult I married and had two children. My husband left me right away and I moved to Johson City, TN with the help of my friend so that I could get help to raise my children from the government's assistance programs there and to attend college. My son was hardly three months old when I began classes. He became ill in daycare, and after having to bring him several times to the emergency room and finding him to have pneumonia, I left school and ran away back home. I stayed six months before returning with a new motto in mind, "A bad check returns". I stayed for 13 years in Johnson City and only after I received my bachelor's degree. 

I won 2nd place in a fiction writing competition for The Mockingbird at East Tennessee State University where I received my Bachelor's of Science degree. I was on the Dean's list that year. I like to compete in creative competitions, but also in sales competitions in the workplace. I am not as much a competitor as I am confident in my abilities. Only I do not want to only win, but win big. I appreciate the most beautiful and highest things in life and consider my attitude about achievement more of a shouting an alleluia from the rooftops than casting a smirking side long glance at those who surround me in the pursuit of their dreams. My clearest image of success for me is being surrounded not by competition, but by a group of peers unequaled.

In school, I took an interest in what makes a man a success. It was part of my personal studies. I asked many questions. I decided that children whose parents encouraged their children in higher things were common among the great minds of history. Those raised in outstanding families or with members whose accolades even helped them in society were outstanding overall. Groups of people who joined in study and production had greater output and lasting fame. It is yet unknown whether or not these people were famous because of their gifts or because of their society and popularity. For this I have wanted to study aesthetics. Maybe I too can manipulate my own gifts.

Still, I feel that I have reached the point now which has me believing in the reality of becoming a deep intellect rather than a house of cards. The bright and the shiny, superficial Andy Warhol kind of 15-minute fame does not appeal to my appetite after having once tasted the savory and sweet of real intellectual pursuits. Who and what I have read about have encouraged me to my own ends, and this has proved to be the most beautiful of all things in life. I have a very broad knowledge base. The depths of which I can only guess at because I have been away from school for a long time. I have a deep interest in science, especially things like biology, evolution and physics. I am also fascinated by history and literature, although more fruitful while engaging in non-fiction. When I am interested in literature, it is as a critique more than it is for the enjoyment of reading. I read biographies and articles on science better than any fiction I have come across. To me the Earth's beauty and God's design are far and above anything else, and I seek to know as much as possible about these.

This morning I began looking through my books as I share the books I buy on my Facebook. I will introduce a title and then read the first line and tell a bit about the author. It occurred to me as I picked up an old book with folded papers from a while ago tucked inside that I had set up a sort of system for myself last year to keep up with what I learn. I have been making lists like this for about 10 years now. Last year I did this like a bullet journal, listing my bills and my needs and earnings and on the side in the margin what I had been interested in that week. Last year I wanted to set up with the help of spreadsheet software something that helped me have a regular shopping list and could help get my budget figured out. This morning, I wanted to have a similar program which could organize these interests of mine and collect thoughts from my musings so I could remain fluid, within my mind and with visual and textural references. I am often trying to solve real hefty problems as an amusement, I have been interested in things like gravity, dark matter, mathematics and history which when being off linearly makes me feel anxious. It's fairly time consuming, this hobby. My most important goal is to understand the origin of life itself, what it is and to define it, as its essence and also what it is not.