Sticks

 I have been in the Bible for 3 or 4 years, after having called myself a scholar of sorts. Having studied science and art, poetry and philosophy on my own, I was learning about my own religion. 

After living a life of not knowing anything about the Bible I seemed to be getting a lot from God. I have written a lot about it. This then, is a small bit on stcks, which I wanted to go ahead and share in case there is any use of my experience to shed light on things which people have wondered about, or if they have had experiences that left them bewildered.

I had found two sticks and they were similar so I joined them together not realizing it was something in the Bible. Recently, as it was St Augustines feast, I had found another stick in my donation stuff. It was stuff I got rid of and took back because I found that, even though I gave things away to sort of become like St Francis in his special year, over the course of the months that followed I still acquired this and that which seemed a necessity at the time. One thing in particular was this shirt I thought made me look awful. I felt I looked like a homeless person in it with my stretched out jeans so I went and bought a $5 shirt from Walmart to wear as I went out of the house in the summer. All.my summer clothes were black and I had to have a new shirt!

But then it led to a new pair of shorts,  and new tank tops, unitl I was resupplying a whole wardrobe of stylish things.

So I decided to go get the old shirt out of the bin which never was donated, thank goodness though. It being awful!

In it was a small stick which I snapped in half. I wondered why on earth there was a stick in my clothes? 

This story is to illustrate what happened in my life over this past year trying to get these things right. I fasted well, but on my own time, not his. I gave away things but quickly acquired new things to replace them. I learned about things but the multiples of meanings and my own hopes in regards to them left me sad and confused. 

 It has reminded me, in reading the word of God, it goes down sweet but leaves a bad feeling below. 

I don't want to walk the walk in error. I believe, truly. 

I hope God will forgive my errors. I have done all I know how to do well by myself and those around me. I mean to be loving above all. And lastly, I believe that God's grace, truly, is the most important of all.

The sticks that were similar led me to St Francis tau. But also to and more strikingly, the Tau in Ezekiel. I didn't think it was for me to make a big deal of, and took it as a sort of sign that God marked his people who were good, as St Francis intended. The Feast of our Lady of Mount Carmel was a part of this and I believed that God showed me how our intentions are carried out afterward, if not by some sort of saintly Providence. Francis instituted a Tau, but the Scapular stuck.

This has since led me to wonder if Providence is seen as reincarnation in other places, as an outsider, one wonders if spiritual continuity has more to it?

Then this little, tiny, 4 inch snapped twig which caused me a great amount grief. It was demonstrably a part of my bit of learning, but still caused me distress as it led to parts of the Bible which I did not want.

I was confused by the whole thing. All that I learned and read, though, gave me better understanding. For instance, and this is not a joke, look at what one can do with a stick? They are everywhere.

This morning I was learning about feathers and the native Americans.

https://blog.nativehope.org/the-feather-symbol-of-high-honor?hs_amp=true

The point is that with only small things great lessons can be taught. (As in the Eagle's feathers and the host)

Again, of all I have learned, God shedding his grace on me has been the most valued and treasured of all. Without a lot of things, I have peace and happiness with God. 

The people who I know who have suffered recently may be able to attest to that.

That God protects and loves is his law fulfilled as well. We do our part, he does his.