My heart beats to the beat of a drum.

 Lately I have been worrying about how to run my days now that I have found extra freedoms. I am recovered from my illness.

Thank God.

The clock in the room I sleep in has a tick that almost chirps like a frog, or bird. It carries on after the beat. It's mechanism snaps back.

 It has reminded me that I called God father time the other day, and then recanted because noone's ever said this before and who am I to make the creator God all about time? He is a creator, and I'm glad because that one little detail clears up a lot. 

"Who is your God?"  

"The God." 

"HOW CAN YOU SAY YOUR GOD IS THE GOD!?"

"Because he's always saying I made this.."

Anyway, moving along, so the beats and chirps again were a kind of music.

Incidentally, the star fish eating away at a seal (furry animal with mermaid body) on Planet Earth with David Atenburough yesterday were a kind of metaphor for heaven's strange appearance on earth. We always wonder why, us contemplatives, everyone wants to just sing in great multitudes in heaven?

 Why do star fish live at all!? They're fairly creepy.

I was having to say thanks to God for resting a minute in bed this morning. I am merciful Mary, I let myself have these moments. 4 or 10 mnutes of face plant in my pillow. Some celebrity who may or may not get an Oscar this year once said something about this kind of thing. Showing yourself mercy when your body needs it. 

I read about Saint Teresa of Avila and she was discussing the way in which our bodies crave more luxuries after having recieved them. I have been fortunate enough to have been through a great deal in my life so I can speak from a lot of experience. So I see a sort of softened and merciful way, which I don't try to use to downplay the saints, but to encourage better understanding of Jesus. 

The idea of dealing with life is paradoxical. If you think too deeply. I was discovering this week a lot about how differences are a balance that is necessary. Jesus was totally normal. People look at the man of God and his attributes and they come up with ideas about him. He was preaching this huge message, about everything altogether, and he had to accomplish that in basically three years. And I figured out how he did it.

He said first, you already know what right and wrong is. Secondly,  dont be unreasonable. It's unconscionable to be cruel to suffering people! Why waste time in doing it! (He also showed a great deal of wonders to people, God's wonders.)

So while Teresa says our bodies adjust to discomforts, Jesus gives back to those who are suffering and we have to decide which is the righter. No contest. 

But her discovery is not without its merits. We suffer needlessly if we don't learn discipline and we never learn to surrender our hearts and minds to God's truths. Surrender being possible by realizing that truths are truths after all. 

When you do good, you suffer less. When you believe in God, you are open to his mercies. 

Paradoxes are interesting. This one is a hard one.  Unless you are reasonable. And that's how simple it really is. All of it.